Meet the Rilows
by TveitsBoyfriend
Summary: Hanschen: n: 1. A blond classmate of Ernst's, with perfect grades and not enough time to get to know anyone. 2. Alot more than perfect hair and a chiselled jaw. 3. Someone Ernst is about to learn a lot more about. But how much does he want to know?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey hey.**

**I've been AWOL for a bit, but I have been writing, bear with me. What I do is get a tiny idea, and write like a paragraph or so, and then forget about it =p I have pages and pages of those in my room, it's getting ridiculous =)**

**Anyway, this (chapter!) fic is going to be a bit depressing, in my other fics I've had Hanschen helping Ernst, but I envision this one as Ernst helping Hanschen. Everybody now: Awww.**

**I have read a fic similar to this before, themes and such, but I have had this in the pipeline for a while now, so don't blame me if you feel plagiarised. I think this is probably a bit darker than the other one, and a bit more twisted in the way that it goes to the extreme. That makes sense, right?**

**------**

The day was Thursday, and the sun was slowly setting over the park that lay in the middle of the quiet German town. It was nearing the end of winter, meaning a cool wind was ever present: Not cold enough that people stayed in, but cold enough that certain couples used it as an excuse to huddle together.

In the park sat the group of eight teenagers, the still recent tragedies in the village scary enough that they met there most nights to try and clutch together at what was left of their childhood. Close to the park gate sat Anna and Georg, one of the couples using the wind to get closer, as were Otto and Thea, next to them. Martha sat awkwardly opposite them, nervously eyeing up Hanschen, who was leaning against a tree, beside Ernst and Melchior, who were observing the group, though the former doing it more fervently. The group had been there for a couple of hours, long enough that their conversation was fast disintegrating.

Melchior was the first to make his excuse and leave, hurrying away, probably aware that half the group was watching him. Anna sighed as he looked after him.

'Poor Melchi,' she said sadly. 'He looks so tired, so upset, still.'

'It's not fair,' Martha agreed. 'He needs some good in his life. Maybe we should treat him?'

'Treat him how? Poor sod doesn't find anything fun anymore.' Georg said.

'What about a trip to Berlin?' Thea suggested, getting into it. 'I was there with my sister last month, it was lovely'

'My father would never let me,' Martha said forlornly.

'Your father never lets you do anything,' Thea tutted. 'What about you boys, Ernst, Hanschen?'

'I don't know...' Ernst said, playing with a tuft of grass. 'Maybe.'

'Hanschen?' Martha asked.

'Hm?' Hanschen looked up from his book, unaware of the conversation that had been going on around him.'

'Would your father let you go to Berlin?'

'Oh, um, I don't know. We'll see.'

'Isn't your father the bank manager?' Otto asked. 'I swear he's stricter than Sonnenstich on a Monday.'

'I saw him when I was at the bank with my parents once, he was shouting. Red in the face, he was.' Georg went on.

Hanschen bit his lip. 'I should go.' He stood up. Ernst watched him, a little concerned.

'Are you...' he started quietly, but Hanschen had already walked off. He stared after him, silently debating with himself about whether or not to follow him. But then he was out of his sight.

It didn't take Hanschen long to walk home, but as he got there, opened the door and heard some voices floating around, his heart sank.

'Shit...' he muttered under his breath, closing the door. He bit his lip as his father appeared in the hallway.

'Hanschen!' he said in a hushed shout, closing the living room door. 'You are late! You knew your Aunt was visiting tonight; you were under strict orders to be here. What is your excuse?'

'I... forgot.' Hanschen said, looking down.

'You_ forgot?_'

Hanschen stayed silent.

'You will stay in your room tonight. I don't want to hear anything before morning.' Herr Rilow grabbed his sons arm and marched him upstairs, dragging him into his room. Once in there he closed the door, though Hanschen knew what was coming and was sure his father would waste no time in this.

Herr Rilow struck his son round the face, sending him flying onto his bed, where he lay still, trying to hide the imminent tears.

Hanschen knew better than to make a sound.

-----

**My leg hurts.**

**Reviews would be lovely!**

**X**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry about the wait! I actually had this written before I wrote chapter 1, but then I re-read it and kept being OCDish. Pfft.**

**I still don't know if I'm truly happy with it, but perfection is overrated ;)**

**-----**

He was blond, smart and he sat in front of Georg. His hair was always immaculate and he never seemed to get to know anyone. That was all Ernst knew about Hanschen. He'd kind of assumed that was all there was to know about him. But suddenly, to Ernst, there was something darkly intriguing about his handsome classmate, this prompted by his sudden leaving the night before when his father was mentioned, and heightened when Hanschen came into school the next day with red eyes.

He nodded in greeting to the other boys, as usual, and took his seat. Ernst kept his eyes on the back of his head, looking for any sign of, well, anything. There had to be something.

However, the day passed without anything major, bar a flinch when Herr Sonnenstich made a sudden movement near him, but this was so quick Ernst wasn't sure it had happened. The lack of anything major, however, did nothing to quell Ernst's curiosity/concern, so he forced himself to approach Hanschen at the end of class.

He could tell Hanschen was trying to get out of the classroom quickly, but thanks to the unholy amount of homework they had been set that day, it took longer. Ernst sped up to follow him out of the room.

'Hanschen?' he addressed him quickly before he could go away.

The blond turned around. '...yes?' He took a few steps backwards, distancing himself from Ernst.

'Would you... like to go somewhere? W-with me?'

'Hanschen looked his classmate up and down. There was a blatant hopefulness in Ernst's eyes that he couldn't quite bring himself to fixate on, for fear of feeling even a little guilty. He shook his head. 'No.'

'Oh.' Ernst nodded slightly, disappointed. Before he could say anything more, Hanschen had disappeared.

-----

Sighing loudly, Hanschen tossed his finished Latin homework to the side. He was sitting in the Vineyard, alone, with only his homework to keep himself busy. He had overestimated how long it would take him to complete, though, finishing in a little over half an hour, and was now bored, with no intention of going back to his "home" anytime soon.

'Oh!'

He looked up to see the source of the noise. Ernst stood there, genuinely surprised. Hanschen eyed him.

'Sorry – ' the smaller boy stuttered. 'I didn't expect anyone else to be here.'

Hanschen shrugged.

'Do... do you mind if I...?'

He shrugged again. Ernst took a seat opposite him. There was an awkward silence.

'...Have you finished your Latin?' Ernst asked, knowing how feeble a conversation starter that was, but unable to think of anything else to say.

'Yes.' Hanschen spoke for the first time.

'Might you be able to help me with mine?'

Hanschen bit his lip. That would mean talking, something with which he was always cautious in case he accidentally revealed something. Then again, this was only Ernst. 'Fine.'

Ernst got out his book. 'I was stuck with the-'

'Hang on...' Hanschen muttered, nodding towards the book he'd just discarded, next to Ernst. He leaned over to retrieve it, at the same time the smaller boy reached into his bag to get a pen. Their cheeks brushed against each other, just barely, just enough to cause Ernst to brush heavily and breathe a little raggedly. This didn't go unnoticed by Hanschen, who drew back a little and surveyed Ernst, who was gazing up at him with an odd look in his eyes. That got his attention. Every girl he'd ever kissed had had that look in their eyes just before their lips had met. But surely Ernst didn't want him to...? That would be... Well, what would it be? He really wasn't sure of anything these days, so he might as well...

He leaned in and quickly brushed his lips against Ernst's, for barely a second, before leaning back and trying to glean some kind of meaning from Ernst's reaction. The smaller boy's eyes had grown wide and he was pouting in the most peculiar way. This certainly wasn't what Ernst had expected to get from seeing Hanschen here, but he couldn't say it wasn't pleasant. Before he knew it, he was leaning in for another kiss, met eagerly by Hanschen. He could feel Hanschen's hands around his waist, in his hair and tried quickly to mimic the older boys actions, placing his hands on Hanschen's chest, slipping them over his shoulders, massaging gently. Hanschen gasped suddenly, cringing away. Ernst panicked.

'Hanschen? What is it?'

'No, nothing... forget it...' Hanschen moved in again. This was strange, the kissing, Ernst being a boy didn't matter, Ernst being Ernst didn't matter, this was... a nice release, a distraction from home and - Ouch! Ernst had inadvertently touched another of his father-inflicted bruises. He cried out suddenly, his harsh 'Ah!' jolting Ernst.

'Hanschen...' Ernst furrowed his brow. 'What's wrong?'

Hanschen stood up. 'I said forget it. Ernst, I actually have to, um, go - Farewell.' He hurried off, Ernst noted, holding his bag at his side instead of slipping it over his - obviously injured - shoulder.

Ernst watched him from the grass. There was something wrong, of that there was no doubt but *what?* Was there a way to find out, to help, without breaking Hanschen more? He sighed and started to gather up the forgotten homework papers. His eyes fell on one that had been crumpled in their clinch.

He couldn't help but wonder if that was the only thing that was crushed.

------

**Hmm.**

**Hmmm.**

**Still not sure.**

**What do you think?**

**X**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey. Thanks for reviews and the like. They really do bring a bit of light to our *ahem* lovely England weather =)**

**Okay, REALLY edgy about posting this chapter. But then Ali reviewed and said she loved my take on the characters (thanks mate!) so I thought... okay. Fine. And I know it might seem a bit out of order and... jagged, but that's partially a reflection on the actual content. Here you go =]**

**Don't judge me! I promise Ernstie will make it go away...**

**-----**

Throwing his bag down in the entrance hall, Hanschen kicked his shoes off and walked into the kitchen. His only destination was his bedroom; maybe if he could lie down he could make sense of everything in his head. He stopped when he saw his father and his sister by the stove.

'Do you even know what a hot stove looks like? How can you expect to be able to cook if you can't light a stove, you insolent little girl!' Herr Rilow had Heather by the wrist and was shaking her violently as he spoke. 'This is what a hot stove feels like!' He wrenched her hand over to the stove and held it threateningly close as she whimpered helplessly, tears streaming down her face.

Hanschen darted forward. 'Father!' he grabbed his dads arm and wrenched his sister's wrist out of his grip. 'Go on,' he said, panicking and ushering her out of the room as his father grabbed the scruff of his blazer.

'What do you think you are doing?' He pushed Hanschen over to the other side of the room, ranting at him. Hanschen winced as his father yelled at him but opened the door and marched out of the room and past his anxious mother, running upstairs. He knew he'd pay later but he couldn't handle it right now.

Slamming the door as he raged into his bedroom, Hanschen let out an annoyed, exasperated grunt, one that could barely be heard over the commotion he'd walked into. He could feel his chest tightening, something that always happened when he became overwhelmed beyond relief.

Relief.

What was relief, really? Just another place for the pain to go? He walked over to the window, taking a seat and leaning forward, resting his head on the cool glass, breathing in and out deeply. A few drops of rain obscured his vision but he tried to concentrate on the landscape outside, that's what he'd always done to calm down. But there was something new... If he squinted he could see a figure walking down the road that connected to his. Not... Ernst.

His chest tightened again, as he thought back to that afternoon. Just that afternoon... Him and Ernst, sinning in the vineyard, Ernst just some impressionable little thing, Hanschen some big, dominating, beast... like his father? Ernst was so small... What if he felt about Hanschen how Hanschen felt about his father? Powerless, small, insignificant...

He wasn't going to be his father. He couldn't let himself.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't-

He gasped as he wrenched himself away from the window and made immediately for the small white sink in the corner of his room, that had always inexplicably been there, without a real reason.

Like himself.

He splashed his face with handfuls of icy water, but he still felt as though he were fainting, flying, being crushed and torn apart all at the same time. He tried to glance up at himself in the mirror, but his eyes fell instead on the small, grey razor sitting on the corner of the basin. He hadn't touched it for weeks. But now it seemed that any releases in the world were either so far away he couldn't see them... or sitting right in front of him.

He closed his eyes and choked back his tears as he slowly took the razor in his hand, along with a clean white rag from the small cupboard under the sink. Sliding down the wall until he sat on the floor, he slowly pressed the razor against his wrist, pressing harder, harder until the crimson appeared, illustrating his angst and distracting him from the rest of the house, the rest of the world. He gasped a little as he dropped the razor on the floor and held the rag to the new cut, leaning his head back and squeezing his eyes shut as he concentrated on the pain, and blocked out everything else...

The sound of his father shouting downstairs. His mother shrieking as she hit the wall. His sisters sobs coming from the next room. The thunder and rain attacking his window. The drumming of his own heartbeat. And his short, ragged breaths.

And nothing.

Relief?

------

**My cat is sitting next to me.**

**Do you ever get the feeling your pet is judging you?**

**Reviews make me happy =]**

**X**

**OH! And the film "Thirteen" was part of the inspiration for this chap. Self harm was actually more difficult to write than I'd imagined but I don't think it's been explored before...**

**BTW Thirteen the film is nothing like 13 the musical =] Fair warning =P**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reviews etc. I've had a lot of poo on my mind recently, which kind of works out for you since I write when I'm stressed =] So here's chapter 4...**

**-----**

The next morning Hanschen couldn't help but feel guilty as he walked to school, surreptitiously tugging at the end of his blazer sleeve to cover the scratches, glancing around to see if Ernst was around and if so, making an escape. If Ernst saw him, he would want to talk, and for once he was unsure of what to say. The schoolhouse was in sight; he bowed his head and sped up, eager to get to a place where speaking was not allowed.

'Hanschen?'

He sighed. The schoolhouse was still too far away to run for it; he had to turn and face Ernst. 'Ernst...' he said carefully, turning around. 'What do you want?'

'Are you okay?' Ernst blurted out quickly.

'What?'

'I mean...' Ernst stepped forward bravely. 'You've been acting... I don't know, Hanschen, is everything okay?'

'Yes. Why wouldn't it be?' The blond replied automatically.

'But-'

'Ernst, just keep out of it. Please. Don't get involved, don't talk to me, just... stay away...'

Ernst looked confused. 'Hanschen, I don't understand...'

'There's nothing to understand. You shouldn't have anything to do with me, just go. Now.'

Ernst took a step back. 'I-'

'_Now_.'

The smaller boy started to walk off, but only took a few steps before he turned around and said 'I didn't do anything. I think you deserve it.' His eyes watered as he turned and rushed off.

Hanschen suddenly wished he was standing at his bathroom sink.

------

Pulling his jacket tighter round himself, Ernst braced against the wind as he walked up to the Rilow household. What he had said to Hanschen had been ringing in his ears all day, making him feel sick with guilt, still it had taken him a long time to psyche himself up to go see him. And on the quarter hour walk up to the house, he'd considered several times turning back and running away, but he couldn't deal with not making things right with Hanschen.

Sometimes he hated that part of himself.

He took a deep breath in and knocked sharply on the door three times. Rocking slightly on his feet, he tried to prepare what to say when the door opened. He couldn't think of anything. Maybe this was a mistake. He'd made a few mistakes concerning Hanschen, it had seemed. He stepped back a bit, staring the door down, as no one had answered it. It could really only be a sign that he wasn't supposed to make peace right now. He turned away.

But - Was that faint shouting? They were in... Why would Herr Rilow be shouting? He glanced up to the slightly open window, where the sound came from. He sighed. He knew he shouldn't... but then again he seemed to be doing a lot of things he shouldn't these days...

Turning to face the tall oak in Hanschen's front garden, he dropped his coat on the ground and reached up to grab hold of a low tree branch, hoisting himself up so he could start climbing. Breathing through the pain of the tree bark rubbing on his hands, he slowly made his way to the top, perching awkwardly by the edge and craning his neck to try and see... What?!

He gasped and nearly fell off the branch as he caught sight of the scene through the window. There was Herr Rilow... laying into Hanschen? Ernst rubbed his eyes, it had to be a shadow, or his mind playing tricks on him, but... no. There it was, clear as the day. Hanschen backed up against a wall as his father threw punch after punch at him. The blond boy stood tall, as he always did, almost taller than his dad, but his face had a pained, wincing expression never seen before by Ernst. Well, any expression other than indifference had never been seen by Ernst but still, this was Hanschen. Hanschen was strong, he never showed emotions and he never let anyone get him down.

A tear escaped Ernst's eye as he saw Herr Rilow leave the room and Hanschen sink down to the floor, hiding his face in his hands, shoulders shaking slightly. Ernst wanted nothing more than to go inside and just hold Hanschen but he couldn't bring himself to make his presence known. He numbly climbed back down from the tree and started to stumble home, more tears threatening as he thought of that strong, powerful, intelligent boy, brought to tears in his own bedroom.

------

**Hanschen is fit. So are reviews.**

**Reviews also make stressed writers feel better =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Halloween =) I just watched a clip of Saw, I am seriously freaked... Wow, I'm a wimp =p So now some Hanschen-ing to take my mind off... it. **

**-----**

Fucking Hell.

Fucking Hell.

_Fucking Hell!!_

Hanschen aimed a kick at a low wall that had been following him as he walked slowly down a long road. It stayed still, taunting him with its ability to reflect the blow. He gave up and rested his arms atop it, propping his head in his hands and glaring out at the meadow opposite him. What right did Ernst have to root around in his life anyway? It was his life to live – or not to live – and he could handle it all himself... probably... maybe... okay, maybe not but what made Ernst think he could make it all better? Hanschen didn't need anyone. Just himself.

_Fuck off,_ a voice in the back of his head chastised him. Ernst's heart was in the right place; he saw someone in trouble, upset and he tried to help, maybe it was his own fault that he didn't want to be helped... And now he felt worse than the several new gashes on his arm. Ernst wanted to help and now he'd pushed him away: he had no one.

'And usually I wouldn't _dare_ go up to someone like Melchi Gabor, but – oh, Ernst, look...'

Hanschen turned quickly to see Ernst and Thea standing together, obviously out on a walk for some reason. Ernst looked as if he were about to throw up at the very sight of Hanschen, and Thea was glancing anxiously between them.

'Thea, um, I'll talk to you tomorrow,' Ernst said quickly. She nodded and hurried away as Ernst timidly approached Hanschen. He instinctively reached out to touch the taller boys shoulder. 'Hanschen...'

'Ernst, just leave me be. God knows everyone else has.' Damn, he didn't mean that.

'What do you...' Ernst looked down for a second before glancing up. Hanschen's eyes were still averted. 'I-I know, Hanschen. About your father, I saw him – hitting...' This was harder than he'd imagined. Hanschen turned to face him.

'You don't know anything,' he said quickly.

'Hanschen, I saw. The other night...' He reached out again. Hanschen didn't flinch away this time, letting Ernst's fingers trail down his arm.

'It's just his way...' Hanschen shook his head as he spoke. He didn't know why he was making excuses for his father. But he had a feeling if something like that got out it could be fatal. 'Look, Ernst, I don't know. Just forget it. Please.' The blond hated the vulnerability in his voice but Ernst seemed to understand. 'I'm trusting you, Ernst.' The smaller boy nodded, transfixed by the strange new look in Hanschen's eyes.

'Of course, but...' Ernst breathed, not sure how his face ended up so close to Hanschen's. 'Hanschen...' He leaned up and kissed him softly, tentatively. The moment felt right; Hanschen was being stripped down (a/n: Wahey!) and Ernst knew he hated it but he also knew that he could be the one to build him up again.

Hanschen's eyes flickered shut as Ernst kissed him. This wasn't fair... but it was so nice.... Ernst had no right to delve into his life.... But what if he _could_ be the one to make it all better? He sighed into the kiss, his hand landing gently on the back of Ernst's hair as he drew back.

'I'm sorry, Ernst.' He said. 'About before, being such a...'

'Don't. _I'm_ sorry. You don't deserve this. Any of it.' He bit his lip. 'Hanschen, I'm not sure what you want to hear right not, but do you want to come back to mine?'

Hanschen glanced around. It was either that or go home. 'Okay. Yes.'

Ernst smiled weakly and started to lead Hanschen away.

'Don't you dare feel sorry for me.' The blond added.

'Don't worry.'

------

**GLEE. Love it.**

**And PS: John and Edward for the win!!! If you know what I'm talking about, hopefully you'll agree!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, thanks for reviews and the like. Reviews would be awesome today because I'm at the grandparents and not that they aren't exciting but reviews would really perk me up!**

**-----**

He was getting better.

He was.

He had to be.

Ernst's mind boggled as he anxiously walked down the road. So he'd spent most of the previous evening at his house with Hanschen, and it had been good. Well, Hanschen had obviously had something on his mind but that had been a given. The point was, he was letting Ernst in and he raven-haired boy couldn't help but be pleased with himself. Well, until Hanschen had to leave in a sudden frantic rush at nine, accidentally leaving behind his school tie, which had been somehow shed in the evenings proceedings. Ernst turned said tie over and over in his hands as he walked up to the Rilows house. Since he'd found out about what went on with Herr Rilow Ernst was nervous about seeing Hanschen at home but he couldn't abandon him like this.

He walked up and knocked on the door. He could hear muffled shouting coming from inside for the two minutes he waited for an answer but it was silenced when Frau Rilow answered the door.

'Ernst!' she sounded breathless, she looked tired. Her fair hair was falling out of its bun and dark circles were prominent under her youthful eyes. 'Here to see Hanschen, I presume?'

'Yes please.' Ernst rocked on his feet.

'He's...' she glanced over her shoulder nervously. 'He's up in his bedroom.'

'Thank you.' He nodded as she let him in.

'Don't be too long...' she wandered into the kitchen.

How could one man wreck his family's lives like that? Ernst had only been in the house thirty seconds and was already frightened thanks to the atmosphere and Frau Rilows obvious nervousness – even more so now he knew the origin.

He knocked quietly on Hanschen's bedroom door before gently cracking it open and glancing in. Hanschen was sitting on the window-seat, leaning gently on the misty window and staring out at the steadily darkening sky. Ernst cleared his throat, causing Hanschen to quickly glance his was.

'What?'

'Your tie...' He gasped suddenly. 'Hanschen...'

Hanschen quickly turned back to the window. 'Leave it anywhere,' he said dismissively.

'Hanschen your lip...' Ernst dropped the tie on Hanschen's chest of drawers and walked towards the other boy. He slowly sat down opposite Hanschen on the window seat and took Hanschen's face in his hands. Hanschen's eyes stayed averted while Ernst's were fixed on his badly cut lip. It was an angry red and looked as if it had only just stopped bleeding. He hated to think how recent it was.

He reached out and gently traced a fingertip along Hanschen's lip. The blond slowly shook his head but couldn't bring himself to say anything.

'I'm sorry...' Ernst whispered.

'Don't be...' Hanschen's voice came out a whisper.

The smaller boy gently moved closer and kissed him, resting one hand on the blond's knee, one on his shoulder. Hanschen gasped quietly as Ernst's lips made contact with his, the cut twinging painfully but somehow that didn't matter as the moment intensified. Ernst leaned into it, his breathing growing ragged as they shared a couple of feather-light kisses, lips slightly parted.

Drawing back slightly, Ernst ran his eyes over the other boy, who was uncharacteristically trembling a little with lost eyes as he tried to form some words. Ernst suddenly felt a twinge of guilt.

'Stay with me.' He said, looking him in the eye.

'What?'

'For a few days. Please. I hate seeing you like this.'

Hanschen closed his eyes and sighed. 'I can't. I'm sorry, I can't leave Heather and mother here alone with...'

Ernst nodded slowly and nearly melted. None of this was fair on Hanschen, he was a shadow of his former self thanks to one ogre and what hurt more was that Ernst felt like he couldn't do anything to help. 'For another afternoon, then. Tomorrow, after school?'

Hanschen seemed to consider for a moment, then nodded. Ernst smiled and leaned in to kiss him once more, but was startled inti jumping back when a slow rapping sounded on the door.

'Hanschen?' Frau Rilow sounded nervous as she cracked the door open. 'Darling, your father wishes to speak with you. I-I'm afraid Ernst will have to leave.'

Hanschen sighed heavily, getting up and strolling to the door. He pulled it open and nodded at his mother, who smiled apologetically at him before hurrying off.

'Sorry, Ernst, I'll... I'll see you tomorrow.' He led Ernst downstairs, past Herr Rilow who was standing by the front door and glancing stonily at Ernst as he scurried out.

The dark haired boy took a few steps before turning back to glance at the house. It looked so normal, he hated to think what went on inside. Trying not to dwell on it, but finding it impossible, he wandered off.

Inside, Hanschen slowly closed the door, trying to avoid his father's glare.

'Hanschen.' Herr Rilow said in a forced calm as he gestured over to a spot by the wall for Hanschen to stand. 'You know well how your mother and I feel about guests this late in the evening.' Hanschen chanced a glance up from the floor at his father's angry face. As he did so he knew his father was already het up, he was just his punching bag; his stress toy. 'You invite that Robel boy over without permission in the late hours of the evening, not even a warning...' He was barely making sense. 'Did you assume your mother and I were so dense that we would not notice? Or do you just enjoy being insolent?' He picked up a belt off the coffee table, something obviously left after the previous beating. 'Meaning you need to learn some discipline and some *respect*.' On the last word he raised the belt and brought it down on Hanschen's back with a sickening *crack.* Hanschen held his breath, begging himself not to cry as he bent almost doubled. 'Stand *up.*' Hanschen tried to stand tall but his eyes still watered as the belt came down on him over and over again. After what felt like an eternity, when Hanschen was gasping for breath and his father was almost out of energy, the belt stopped and Herr Rilow quietly said 'Get out of my sight.'

--------

**You wouldn't know I was in a good mood when I wrote this, would you? I'd just watched Enchanted and I **_**so **_**wanted to write something romantical about our favourite boys but it just wouldn't come =( Sigh...**

**I heart reviews almost as much as I heart my readers.**

**X**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm happy =)**

**Okay, not a lot of action in this one but hopefully the next one will tickle your fancy more and you won't hate me =p**

**------**

Two beatings in one night. Hanschen could barely move as he awoke. He couldn't bring himself to examine any of the bruises as he showered and dressed, instead he stumbled half-conscious through the day, avoiding Ernst when he approached. He wasn't sure why he didn't want to speak to him, and he didn't want to think of himself as resentful after the beating but...

Herr Sonnestich dismissed them abruptly at the end of Latin and Hanschen, with no more than a furtive glance back at Ernst, whose eyes were already locked on him, headed out of the building. Walking briskly down the road, he didn't allow himself to dwell on what could have been a good evening at Ernst's, instead he forced his mind upon his Science homework (a/n: You know the German word for Science is Naturwissenschaften? Good times.)

It took him twenty minutes to walk home, a long time not to think about Ernst, but he hoped that as soon as he got in and set his mind on some homework or chores or something it would be easier.

He let himself in silently, dropping his bag in the entrance hall as he wandered into the kitchen. The room was empty but he could hear his mother's voice ringing through the house - 'Heather, don't forget your chores!' He rolled his eyes slightly as he sank down on a chair, before his gaze fell upon a pile of letters on the table. He knew it was wrong to peek, but his mother really shouldn't have left them out...

He skimmed through the top one. That couldn't be right; it was... a love letter? Addressed to his mother? He flipped through the pile. There were at least a dozen, the most recent dated the previous week. He checked the bottom of one. Adam Berat? He'd never heard of him.

It was then that Frau Rilow came back into the room.

'Hanschen!' she said as she walked in. 'I thought you were going to the Robel- what are you doing?' She raced over to the table and snatched the letter away.

'I - you left them out, it...' He watched her frantically shove the letters into an envelope and tuck that into a photo album. 'Mother?'

Frau Rilow tried not to look up at her son's hard stare that intimidated even her. 'Hanschen, please...'

'What are you thinking of?' he asked, agitated.

'I wasn't thinking, Hanschen but your father-'

'Yes, my father! What's he going to do when he finds out?'

'I don't know, dear, I just - Please, you know it is at home, how difficult it is, Adam is just...'

Hanschen felt sick.

'I can't - I have to...' He turned and ran upstairs to his room. To his razor.

-------

**Sniff sniff.**

**Slightly good news though, I have finished the plot outline of my next chapter fic! Yay! And one idea that didn't quite fit in with that could be turning into a whole 'nother one =) **

**If my English teacher could see me now...**

**Regardless of how much or how little action was contained in this chapter, reviews would be awesome =)**


	8. Chapter 8

**It's Christmastime,  
there's no need to be afraid  
At Christmastime,  
we let in light and we banish shade  
And in our world of plenty  
we can spread a smile of joy  
Throw your arms around the world  
at Christmastime**

**But say a prayer,  
pray for the other ones  
At Christmastime it's hard,  
but when you're having fun  
There's a world outside your window,  
and it's a world of dread and fear  
Where the only water flowing  
is the bitter sting of tears  
And the Christmas bells that ring there  
are the clanging chimes of doom  
Well tonight thank God it's them  
instead of you**

**God, I love that lyric. It's one of my favourite Christmas songs. That and "Fairytale of New York." ;)**

**------**

Run the warm water, soak the washcloth, wring it out, then mop up any blood shed. Not a lot. Just the trail that ran up his arm, maybe one or two drops from the side of the sink. A maximum of thirty seconds work, and it was gone.

Just a shame that that was the only aspect of his life that could be cleaned up easily, if at all.

Even more of a shame that his life seemed to be made up of shames.

Save for one dark-haired ray of light.

Hanschen has spent the evening staring woodenly at a book, not reading, just staring, _trying _to lose himself but only able to hear the yelling of his wretched father downstairs. And only able to think of Ernst.

He wondered if Ernst had tried to get hold of him after class; if he'd known why Hanschen had ditched him; if he'd thought about Hanschen as much as Hanschen had thought about him. Would he have guessed what would have happened after he'd left? Would he feel to blame?

And so he should.

Hanschen suddenly threw his book at the wall, startling even himself, but he unexpectedly felt so angry with himself for that one accidental thought. Of course it wasn't Ernst's fault... It was his fathers, or his own... Nothing made sense in his head anymore... He got up and grabbed a scarf and a jacket, marching downstairs, straight past his arguing parents and out the door.

------

'Hanschen, how lovely to see you, dear!' Frau Robel gushed as soon as she saw Hanschen standing on her doorstep. 'Come in, come in! How are your parents?'

'They're... fine, Frau Robel, how are you?' Hanschen spoke hurriedly as he nodded gratefully and entered.

'I'm fine, dear, Ernst is just in the kitchen, one moment – Ernst?'

Hanschen couldn't quite get used to the idea of a warm, loving family environment, but calmed when Ernst appeared in the doorway.

'Hanschen,' he sounded slightly surprised but his eyes were full of understanding at Hanschen's sudden change in heart.

Frau Robel didn't notice the look between the two boys. 'Ernst, dear, why don't you take some of those brownies upstairs with Hanschen, I'll finish up in here. Oh, hang on dear...' She chuckled and rubbed away a smear of flour from Ernst's nose. She smiled and held her sons cheek for a moment. 'Oh, you're getting so handsome,' she grinned. 'Like your father; I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up like him as a young man, most boys do...'

Ernst blushed and forced a smile, but Hanschen looked stricken.

'Okay, mother... Come on, Hanschen, we should...' He led the blond upstairs. 'I'm glad you changed your mind – Hanschen, what's wrong?' He closed the door to his room and turned to look at the suddenly nervous Hanschen.

Hanschen couldn't hear him. Frau Robel's words were still ringing in his ears. Most boys ended up like their fathers. No. _No._ That wasn't fair. He wasn't – he couldn't – The image of his father raining down blows upon him, face contorted with rage and sheer hatred flashed through his mind. The fresh bruises on his back twinged at the thought and his eyes widened and threatened to leak.

'Hanschen?' Ernst reached out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 'Are you okay?'

'Um,' Hanschen shook his head to himself. 'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'Okay, Ernst nodded doubtfully. 'Good,' He motioned to a spot on the bed. 'Do you want to... sit?' The pair sat on the bed and Ernst wasted no time in taking Hanschen's hand and asking 'Is everything alright? I mean, is there a reason you weren't here before...?'

'Can we not talk about it? Can't we just... forget it?'

Ernst nodded slowly. 'Um, have you finished the – mmmf!'

Hanschen suddenly pulled Ernst close and kissed him powerfully. This had to be the farthest thing from becoming even remotely like his father. See? Nothing like him, not at all. Ernst was taken aback by the sudden action and not sure if it was Hanschen's vulnerability or actual affection that was causing this but either way he wasn't going to complain especially not as Hanschen slowly pushed him down on to the bed.

'Ah!' Ouch, what was that? Ernst's eyes watered as what turned out to be a pen poked him in the back. He tried to laugh it off as he brushed it on to the floor. Hanschen looked stricken. Why did Ernst look so small suddenly? But his eyes were huge, watery, innocent... Almost what his mother and sister looked like when his... father was around.

'Fuck. God, Ernst, I'm – _fuck,_ sorry...' Hanschen babbled as he jumped up, stumbling backwards into the door.

'What? Hanschen?' But suddenly Ernst was talking to the polished wood of his bedroom door as it slammed shut.

------

**You were handsome  
You were pretty  
Queen of New York City  
When the band finished playing  
They howled out for more  
Sinatra was swinging,  
All the drunks they were singing  
We kissed on a corner  
Then danced through the night **

**The boys of the NYPD choir  
Were singing "Galway Bay"  
And the bells were ringing out  
For Christmas day **

**As stated above, I LOVE that song!**

**Merry Christmas bitches!!! **

**Reviews rock. **

**XX**

**P.S: Thinking of posting a preview of my next chapter fic – a futurefic – but not sure – would you read it?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both, Oh yes, they both, Oh yes, they both reached for, the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun, Oh yes, they both reached for the gun  
for the gun.**

**I love that song. I got 6 musical DVDs for Christmas and Chicago was one of them. I have watched it 3 times and it's amazing! Taye Diggs FTW =D**

**Anyways, yes. Story.**

**-------**

Hanschen sat silently in the tree, looking out over the park. It was 6am o Saturday, early enough that he could sneak out of the house unnoticed but not so early that nothing was around. On one side of the park two old women were talking over a flask of tea; on the other a couple were reclining on a blanket, and at the back was a huge tree that seated him. It had become a habit for Hanschen to sit up there on weekend mornings; it reminded him that not everything was as fucked up as his home life. Or his social life. Or his love life.

'Hanschen?'

Speak of the devil.

He looked down to see Ernst standing below the tree, looking up at him in confusion.

'Why are you in a tree?'

Hanschen sighed. 'Just... getting away from it all.'

'Getting away from me?'

'No, from... from things.'

'Hanschen, last night-'

'Don't. Just, don't talk about it. Please.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be _sorry!_ God...' Hanschen squeezed his eyes shut. 'Can we just forget about it?'

'Yes, of course...' Ernst swallowed. 'Do you... want to go down to the vineyard? We can forget about it there.'

The blond opened his eyes and looked down. The smaller boy was still gazing up hopefully.

He rolled his eyes. 'Fine.' He jumped down, almost landing neatly in front of Ernst. He cursed as a branch snagged his sleeve.

'Wha – Hang on, Hanschen, what's that?'

Hanschen tried to hide it but it was too late; Ernst had already seen the flash of red. The smaller boy stepped forward and gently took hold of Hanschen's wrist. He moved the torn material to the side and gasped as he saw the numerous cuts, in different stages of healing, on Hanschen's wrist.

'Who – when... Hanschen, why?'

'I...' Hanschen roughly took his wrist away. 'I'm sorry...' He hurried off.

-------

**Right. Okay. Short chapter, but important. Well, I think. Right?**

**Anyway, I think I'm getting back into the swing of updating. Except that this chapter has been written since I posted the first part... Fine, I'll try to write the next part tomorrow but I am quite busy, as it goes, y'know, 2010 and stuff.**

**Did you know the first song I heard of 2009 was Bitch of Living? Figures **

**Reviews are as awesome as Aaron Tveit =)**

**Xx**

**PS: Yes, I have noticed that the authors note is probably longer than the chapter in itself. I ramble.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Rawr. Happy New Year. 2010! My resolution is: Marry Aaron Tveit.**

**I'm nearly there, I swear.**

**------**

'It's just... I feel really powerless. I know there's some way I can help him but I just don't _know_...' Ernst leaned back heavily on the tree, closing his eyes for a moment before glancing up desperately at Thea and Anna.

Anna paused her braiding of Thea's hair. 'Are you sure you're just friends?'

'Yes! Anna, you're not helping.'

'Sorry. I don't know... What about –'

'Anna, hurry up! I think Melchi will be coming by soon!' Thea jerked her head impatiently.

'Thea, I think Melchi is still a bit wound up, at least enough that he won't mind about whether or not your hair is braided.' Anna said, continuing to braid.

'Weren't we going to take him to Berlin?' Thea folded her arms. 'I was looking forward to that. You remember, the trip? To cheer him up.'

'I think everyone is too busy...' Anna sighed.

Ernst sat up. To cheer him up? Melchi wasn't the only one who needed cheering up. And imagine – a whole day just for him and Hanschen to spend together and just forget about home lives? It was perfect. It had to be.

'I need to go – sort something out.' Ernst said quickly, springing up and jogging away.

--------

He didn't _like_ cutting. No-one would. If he could get through the overwhelming and altogether exhausting emotions that came with the almost corrupting events in his life without having to resort to that kind of release, of course he would. But, no. Everything was spiralling out of control: his father was getting worse and worse each day; his family was always drifting apart, only to be held together by the dreadful secret and pain shared by them; and God only knew what he was doing to poor Ernst. But he couldn't stop. Everything was out of his control, he needed to control something. Just one thing. And when he cut, he felt in control for once.

He closed his eyes lightly as he pressed the razor down, and leaned heavily on the wall behind him to support himself as his arm began to bleed, however resisting the urge to cry as he continued.

'Hanschen?'

The blond gasped and looked up to see Ernst standing in his bedroom doorway. 'Ernst!' he coughed, stifling a cry that came as the shock caused him to inadvertently press the razor in further. 'Go – away-' But Ernst seemed frozen to the spot.

'H-Hanschen...' A tear escaped the smaller boy's eye.

'Go away...' Hanschen tried again before everything went black.

**(A/N: I was going to end this here. But I realised how douchetastic of me that would be.)**

**--------**

Eyes opening slowly, Hanschen looked around, vision blurred but sharp enough to pick out Ernst's terrified face as he sat huddled on Hanschen's bed. The blond could feel a pillow behind his head that had not been there before, and saw some gauze wrapped tightly around his wrist, a faint tinge of blood still visible beneath it.

'Y-you blacked out...' Ernst said, voice wavering. 'I didn't know what to do...' His eyes were wide. 'Hanschen, why?' Hanschen's chest tightened. It wasn't a case of why. There was too much "why" to even begin to explain. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, not knowing what to say. Ernst darted forward. 'Hanschen!'

Hanschen opened his eyes. Ernst was once more, looking at him worriedly. 'No, Ernst, I'm here.' He said quietly, his voice cracking. 'This is my problem. I told you to keep out of it, now please... please...' He made the mistake of looking up into Ernst's eyes. Eyes filled with genuine concern and unmistakable guilt.

'Hanschen...' Ernst linked his hand with the other boys. 'If it's your problem, it's mine. You don't know how hard it is to see you like this...' He took a deep breath in and produced a train ticket from his pocket. 'Forget about it. Just for one day. With me.' He pressed it into Hanschen's free hand, before standing up. 'Bye...' He looked as if he wanted to say something more but bit his lip, and left the room. Hanschen stood, slowly, and stepped towards the door.

'Ernst, I...' he started in a whisper, though he knew Ernst was already gone.

--------

**Douchetastic. I love that word. You know how you look at someone and a word just comes to mind? There's this little fart of a year 9 =**

**Anyway, I really want to see Finnian's Rainbow.**

**That has nothing to do with anything, I just got annoyed at remembering the year 9 and had to go to my happy place i.e. the Theatre =p**

**Ohm....**

**Ohm... Review please... Ohm...**

**X**


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